Enough
by Pheo
Summary: "The worst thing about the hunger was that it allowed his mind to drift to things he'd rather not think about." RT


**Title:** Enough  
**Author:** Pheo  
**Summary:** "The worst thing about the hunger was that it allowed his mind to drift to things he'd rather not think about." Written for the January rt challenge (prompt 5, poem below).

_"This word  
is far too short for us, it has only  
four letters, too sparse  
to fill those deep bare  
vacuums between the stars  
that press on us with their deafness.  
It's not love we don't wish  
to fall into, but that fear.  
this word is not enough but it will  
have to do. It's a single  
vowel in this metallic  
silence, a mouth that says  
O again and again in wonder  
and pain, a breath, a finger  
grip on a cliffside. You can  
hold on or let go."_  
- _Variations on the Word Love_ by Margaret Atwood

Remus quickly licked off the meaty residue from the dried beef package; he'd already eaten the small bits within it, but he desperately sought to satiate the protesting murmurs rumbling from his abdominal region. The January wind whipped around his face, and no matter how he tried to stop it, the fringe on his forehead kept attacking his tired, red eyes.

Huddled against the tree, Remus was quick to bow his head when an elder werewolf passed by. The heavily-scarred, older man was taking great pleasure in eating something of questionable origin, and while Remus was completely uninterested in where it came from, he couldn't deny that he really, really wanted a bite of it.

The worst part about the hunger, however, wasn't the pain. It wasn't even the sickness, or the dizziness, or even the parts about it that made him feel more animal than human. Those he could deal with; after all, they made him fit in with the ferals out here. He'd had more success with them since he'd been hungry than he'd had when he'd been full, after all—which, of course, really still wasn't saying much.

No, the worst thing about the hunger was that it allowed his mind to drift to things he'd rather not think about. Without his constant clarity, his intense mental focus, his brain would take a stroll down his memory's forbidden territories.

In fact, there was that little whiff of sandalwood in his nose again. Months before, when he'd first joined the pack, he'd hunted around for that scent after it nearly drove him mad; now, he knew that it was simply olfactory tricks.

_She gazed up at him, the smile on her face dreamy. "D'you ever think it'll be enough?"_

"What will?" His voice was husky as his finger traced her rounded bicep—the one with the woven circlet tattooed around it—beneath the tattered sheet. It all seemed so surreal, still; lying in bed, slightly atop his lovely Auror girlfriend, her scent wrapped around him just as her legs had been before.

She gave a little sigh. "This. Us."

Remus drew back a bit. He knew this was going to happen—she would tire of him eventually. She already thought that this wasn't enough.

He desperately looked around his barren flat as his heart seemed to plummet into his stomach, memorizing her abandoned purple bra over his bureau, her striped matching sock peeking from beneath the threadbare chair. This is it, _he thought. _This is the last time I'll ever…

_He shook his head, his mouth suddenly dry. "What—what are you saying?" he managed._

"Just that," Tonks sighed again, shrugging. "That something like this—something this big—well, I don't think living one life is large enough for it, y'know? I don't think the world could hold something this size in just two bodies."

Remus licked his lips and stared at her, feeling both very foolish and very warm.

She bit her lip. "I'm not making much sense, am I?"

He could do nothing but smile at her as he tucked a sweaty pink strand of hair behind her ear.

"Must be an orgasm-induced stupor, eh?" She winked cheekily. "Don't take me seriously if I beg you to marry me or agree to weird, kinky sex, now."

Remus laughed, and his insides felt as if his very blood were glowing. He didn't think he'd ever be cold again.

"I'll try to keep that in mind," he finally said, and at once, he was lost again in those bright eyes and soft arms.

Knowing that his stomach was bound to give him pain throughout the entire night, Remus fingered a scrap of cloth, a purple-and-black striped bit of sock, and allowed himself one moment of peace.


End file.
